“mono”, Tarot, & the Art of Self-Reflection
*Note: This piece was originally published on October 22, 2021.
Still from the music video for “forever rain”.
Hello, ARMY! Today marks the 3* year anniversary of RM’s second mixtape, mono. A melancholy and reflective album, it was largely made up of songs that he began writing throughout 2016, a period of time that most ARMYs know was extremely difficult for the members of BTS. RM in particular has spoken quite openly about the heavy depression he experienced that year and still struggles with to this day.
As a result, the songs on mono contain none of the brash, in-your-face confidence found in his more aggressive hip-hop numbers but maintain a consistent tone of sorrow and existential burdens inspired by the music of indie musicians such as eAeon and Nell, both of whom contributed to the album. During the vLive following the album’s release, RM described both acts as childhood heroes of his and credits them with his belief that “sad music can heal one’s sorrow.”
I was part of the wave of quarantine ARMY, so although mono was released in 2018, I didn’t discover it til nearly 2 years later, yet I instantly fell in love. I’ve always gravitated toward bittersweet songs, perhaps due to my own personal history and experiences with depression and other mental health struggles; prior to discovering BTS, my favorite lyricist was Leonard Cohen, whose most famous song is the equally melancholy (though often misunderstood and definitely overplayed) “Hallelujah”. So it was only natural that mono quickly became one of my favorite albums in the BTS library.
Still from the lyric video for “moonchild”.
That’s why when our team at BTS Tarot Project suggested that someone design a tarot spread for the anniversary, I jumped at the opportunity. Much like mono, tarot tends to delve into the dark and difficult parts of our brain, putting us face to face with our shadow selves. While there’s often hope to be found in even its most daunting messages, it’s dangerous to put too much of a positive spin on any more “negative” cards you encounter; tarot is a tool for self reflection and it encourages you to sit with discomfort rather than avoid it or paper over it with toxic positivity.
RM also purposefully chose not to release any official lyrics for many of the songs on mono, stating that he wanted listeners to form their own conclusions and interpretations rather than strictly adhering to the message he was trying to convey. This has led to lines from songs like “tokyo” being interpreted as diversely as feel like a torso, feel like a torn soul, and feel like a tourist, so. This approach resonates strongly with me as a tarot reader, as each card has numerous meanings and each person will interpret them differently. By not getting hung up on how we “should” be interpreting the cards (or the lyrics), we open ourselves up to the messages we need to hear.
With that in mind, the spread I designed for mono is one you can turn to when you’re feeling stuck, depressed or otherwise weighted down by the burdens of life. Much like the process of navigating difficult mental spaces, there is no clear beginning or end and no neat resolution; although it’s structured in the order of the track listing, the reading is somewhat cyclical and you could drop into it on any of the positions and still get what you needed out of it. Rather than providing a concrete plan of action, it offers a chance to reflect on different emotional aspects of the situation you’ve found yourself in, and the meanings will shift depending on what you’re experiencing at this given moment.
tokyo - Where do you feel trapped emotionally?
seoul - Which sources of conflict are exacerbating this feeling?
moonchild - What hidden sources of abundance and freedom can you find in the midst of this?
badbye - What do you need to let go of to move forward and heal?
uhgood - What ideal are you striving for that currently feels out of reach?
everythingoes - What will change in its own time?
forever rain - Where can you find comfort while you wait for this situation to pass?
Normally, I would do a generalized reading for our readers to demonstrate this spread, but it’s difficult to accurately extrapolate something so personal to a broad audience. So this reading is focused on my own struggles, but if you find comfort or guidance in it then by all means take the messages that come to you.
Card 1 - The Wheel Reversed: Right now my biggest emotional block is that deep down I don’t believe good fortune will come my way. I’m always expecting the worst or waiting for the other shoe to drop when good things do happen, and it uses up a great deal of emotional energy and makes it difficult to convince myself to put myself out there and go for my dreams.
Card 2 - The World: This is being exacerbated by the fact that things are actually going quite well for me. Things are falling into place in a way that I’m unaccustomed to, and while that is overall a good thing it conflicts deeply with my self-image of someone who doesn’t succeed and the pressure to continue disproving that image is almost more daunting than failure itself.
Card 3 - Page of Cups: Despite all of this, I am making incredible new connections and tapping into my intuition in a powerful new way. By focusing on the possibilities rather than everything that can go wrong, I can continue to open myself up to new growth and happiness even in the face of overwhelming imposter syndrome.
Card 4 - The Star: As odd as it may sound, what I need to let go of is my tendency to look for hope and messages from the universe when the going gets tough. Sometimes that sense of cosmic relief just doesn’t appear, and I need to learn to push myself forward even when it’s difficult. The release The Star brings is wonderful, but it is not reliably going to be present every time I’m up against a challenge, and I can’t afford to waste time waiting for it. Staying stuck will only create more emotional distress.
Card 5 - Knight of Wands Reversed: I tend to work in fits and spurts, pushing myself really hard when I have a burst of inspiration and then burning myself out, but I desire a more measured approach to my work and the ability to move at a steadier pace. It’s not something I’m in the practice of doing, though, and reaching a point where I’m better able to manage my energy and attention often feels impossible.
Card 6 - The Emperor: The truth is that building new habits and structures takes time and patience. It’s not something you can just implement and do perfectly through sheer force of will. If I keep working to heal and redefine my relationship to work, eventually I’ll wake up one day and realize I’ve created the discipline I always craved.
Card 7 - Three of Cups: In the meantime, I can find comfort in the support of my friends, family, and community. They’re always there to remind me of how well I’m doing, to celebrate my successes and cheer me on when I need an outside perspective counteracting the negative self-talk that I fall into. It’s not a weakness to turn to others when you can’t do something yourself, and having strong relationships is something I’m proud of and a positive thing to fall back on when things get too tough to handle on my own.
Deck: The Dark Days Tarot by Wren McMurdo Brignac
I hope this gives you a sense of how mono and tarot can work together for self-reflection and healing. Consider this spread a toolkit of coping mechanisms to get you through each day during a difficult period rather than a roadmap for guiding yourself toward brighter times ahead. Sometimes there is no roadmap. Sometimes all you can do is draw inspiration from the message of “everythingoes” and remind yourself that this, too, shall pass. And in the meantime, we have an achingly beautiful soundtrack to keep us company on our own rainy days. Sad music, after all, can heal sorrow.
Still from the music video for “forever rain”.
